What Is the Connection between Self-Esteem and Self-Respect?

The connection between self-esteem and self-respect differs according to the opinions of individual psychologists and mental health experts. Some believe the two are linked, and building self-esteem leads to self-respect, especially in children. Other psychologists contend self-esteem and self-respect are not necessarily connected, particularly when high levels of self-esteem lead to self-absorption. They say self-respect comes from earning the respect of others through acting responsibly.

Esteem means to hold in high regard. When a person exhibits self-esteem, he or she typically feels valuable and worthy. This subjective evaluation of the self might cause a person to make good choices to protect the self from harm. Early concepts of self-esteem and self-respect linked the two under the premise that people with self-esteem accept and respect themselves, even when mistakes are made.

These theories were not based on actual successes, but the belief that goals are attainable. Psychologist Abraham Maslow disputed this concept regarding self-respect. He contended respect from others permits a person to feel confident, independent, and masterful, all components of self-esteem. When a challenge is completed successfully, he believed, self-esteem and self-respect come from the recognition and appreciation of others. This need for outside approval decreases with age, when true self-respect develops, Maslow believed.

From the 1960s through the 1990s, building self-esteem and self-respect was deemed critical to the performance of school children. The focus in many educational systems during that time included building self-esteem to improve grades and decrease the number of conflicts. Very little research supported these efforts, but later studies showed constantly feeding self-esteem did not impact grades and may have negative impacts.

The focus began to shift when psychologists questioned the lack of accountability, self-control, and self-sacrifice concepts used in earlier child-rearing theories. They saw problems in children with inflated self-esteem who believed their desires were more important than the needs of others, and that they deserved special treatment. More recent studies link excessive self-esteem with bullying and violent behavior.

Low self-esteem might also present problems for children and adults. These people might become depressed and feel insecure. They may lack confidence and internalize feelings of inadequacy. People with low self-esteem might see others as more valuable and become consumed by self-criticism and negative thinking. They may be unable to attain self-respect because of feelings of guilt or regret.