Anticipatory grief is what is naturally experienced upon learning that an ill loved one’s death is approaching. Friends and family members are not the only ones to begin grieving after being informed of a fatal diagnosis, as the dying individual will usually feel anticipatory grief, as well. Although the person is still alive during this period, the grieving process begins early and tends to have its own distinct phases.
After receiving news of her or his inevitable demise, a dying person is likely to become depressed. This depression is not solely based on sorrow for one’s self, but is often expressed as remorse for not being able to protect loved ones from the loss they will soon experience. As there are many stages and types of grief, some will experience feelings of helplessness at not being able to protect loved ones from the pain of loss, as well as feelings of guilt, regret and sadness.
Every individual grieves differently and for different lengths of time. There are, however, common stages one will experience with anticipatory grief. In the beginning stages, family members will often experience depression combined with intense concern for their sick loved one. Some may even experience feelings of regret for past issues within their relationship with the dying person.
During the middle and latter stages of anticipatory grief, many begin a type of rehearsal for their loved one’s death. It is at this stage that the physical process of death is usually thought about or discussed and farewell arrangements are made. During the final stage of anticipatory grief, people also tend to spend time contemplating what their lives will be like without their loved one.
The five stages of grief described by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross are also relevant in anticipatory grief. Both the patient and family members may first be prone to a denial of the diagnosis and insist that there has been a mistake or that something else can be done to stop death from occurring. Following this stage, it is not uncommon for people to feel angry about the news of impending death and some may even direct that anger toward the patient for not taking precautions to prevent their fatal condition. Eventually, some may believe that if they pray harder or make lifestyle adjustments, such can operate as a bargaining tool to make the diagnosis go away and, therefore, prevent death from happening. Depression generally follows this stage before a person enters the final stage of acceptance.
Beyond the emotional components of anticipatory grief lie very distinct physical markers, as well. For instance, both the dying person and her or his loved ones are likely to experience one or more physical symptoms of anticipatory grief, such as a loss of appetite, gastrointestinal disturbances, fatigue and insomnia. Many of these symptoms will carry over into the grieving that occurs after the person has passed on.
