How Should I Choose Who is in my Wedding?

Choosing who is in your wedding requires some forethought and diplomacy. You also may want to choose who is in your wedding based on the type of wedding you wish to have. A small intimate wedding might not require numerous bridesmaids and groomsmen, or even a flower girl or ring bearer. A large wedding tends to be associated with more members of the wedding party. Further, you may want to choose who is in your wedding based on the new relationships you are acquiring by marrying. Don’t select merely from your own family, but also from your new in-laws, when you can.

Being in a wedding, particularly as a bridesmaid or groomsmen bears a great deal of expense. The tactful prospective bride or groom will consider whether a close friend or relative can really afford the expense of purchasing a tux or gown. If you really want someone to participate in your wedding who cannot afford these costs, consider paying them yourself. In a respectful way, emphasize how the person’s presence and participation is such a great gift to you, which you would like to reciprocate by covering the person’s costs for clothing or travel.

You may also want to choose who is in your wedding based on new family relationships. For example, the groom’s sister or beloved cousin could be included as a bridesmaid. Or alternately, ask your new family members to participate in the wedding in other ways. Consider having new relatives read a special poem or scriptural passage during the ceremony. Ask someone to be in charge of the guest book. The goal is to let your new family know, when possible, that they are now your family too. Including them in your wedding is a first step toward smooth in-law relationships.

The smart bride or groom knows that many pre-wedding events like showers or groom’s parties need organization by a non-family member. In fact, it is considered in poor taste for the bride’s family to throw a wedding shower. Therefore, it helps to consider who is in your wedding based on a person’s organizational skills. The natural party planner among your friends is a good choice for a wedding attendant.

However merely choosing who is in your wedding based on friendship or family ties often outweighs such material considerations. An organized friend may help a wedding go a little smoother, but so can a good wedding planner. If your friends and family are not natural planners, they still may be the best attendants because they love and support you.

Sometimes, it is necessary to choose who is in your wedding based on family ties. A bride or groom may have to fulfill the obligations of a family by asking someone who is not particularly a friend. Even if a person who is in your wedding is not a first choice, one will likely, on one’s wedding day be too distracted to notice. Sometimes a family obligation trumps dislike of Aunt Suzy’s daughter who always says the wrong thing. Simply remember, when you must choose who is in your wedding based on obligation, that the wedding is only one day, while the marriage should last a lifetime.