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How Do I Deal with Anger in Marriage?

Article Details
  • Written By: Amanda R. Bell
  • Edited By: E. E. Hubbard
  • Last Modified Date: 28 July 2018
  • Copyright Protected:
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    Conjecture Corporation
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Anger can damage a marriage, often leaving both parties unhappy and jaded. Although there are several different ways to deal with anger in marriage, couples will have to find techniques that will work specifically for each person and their relationship. For many people, a good starting point is placing a high priority on developing and maintaining a partnership, rather than only looking out for you. It can also be helpful for each person to pay close attention to how he or she speaks to the other. Once you are both at a point where you are ready to work on specific issues or your overall relationship, try to figure out, together, what changes can be made to resolve some or all of the issues leading to feelings of anger in one or both parties.

One of the first steps to dealing with anger in marriage is for both of you to view fixing your relationship and dealing with anger in marriage as a joint task. Even if you are not feeling especially close to your partner, or he or she does not currently feel a connection with you, making a concerted effort to work together as a team is the best way to deal with anger in marriage. If both of you are only looking out for yourselves, this can lead to resentment and even more anger in the other person, and will typically do nothing to resolve short- or long-term issues.

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Even the calmest individual can respond poorly during an argument or on a daily basis if tensions are high. To deal with anger in marriage, it is important to avoid saying anything that you do not actually mean, and to take a break to calm down if you feel that you cannot do this. Making unfounded accusations, threats, or calling names only adds to the underlying root of the problem, and does absolutely nothing to resolve anger in marriage. To best deal with the situation at hand, remain as calm as possible and always say exactly what you mean, without expecting your partner to pick up on unspoken cues or vague statements: if you want to be heard, you have to make yourself as clear as possible.

In marriage, a common pitfall is talking without attempting to make any changes. Although communicating what is upsetting you is beneficial, only telling another person exactly what he or she is doing wrong often does little to rectify the situation. One of the best ways to deal with anger in marriage is to work with your spouse to come up with actionable goals that will help to ensure that both of your needs are met in the relationship. For example, if you are upset about the lack of quality couple time in which you and your spouse engage, simply informing your spouse, whether calmly or during an argument, that you want more time with him or her is only the first step to resolving the situation. Following up this statement with a plan, such as weekly or monthly date nights, provides both of you with an actionable goal to meet, rather than simply forcing another person to listen to a list of grievances with no solution.

Anger can be a serious problem for some individuals especially when coupled with a relationship. Escalating emotions could potentially lead to a violent situation for one or both partners. If your partner is ever physically abusive to you, it is important to immediately report the events to the appropriate authorities and to remove yourself and any others who may be harmed from the situation.

Counseling can also be another option for dealing with anger in marriage. Couples counseling or marriage counseling with a trained professional can help both of you to explore your emotions while having a mediator present to guide you in the right direction and to keep both of you on topic. Individual counseling might also help you to work through your own emotions as well.

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